At the moment there are a number of positive things happening in my life but at the same time my mood is more negatively based. Over the past few weeks I have finished my CBT sessions and attended a couple of job interviews; one resulting in work for one day a week in a jewellers that begins this Friday. But while these things have been happening, as well as the excitement, I have been feeling a decrease in my mood levels. I crave food all of the time recently which means I’m putting back on weight instead of maintaining or losing it. I hardly ever go out and do exercise which I had got into a habit of doing, I have no motivation to do anything during the day and my music taste has turned back to the more melancholy songs on my playlist.
I feel like my body is just filled with sadness, anger, loneliness, frustration, agitation, jealousy and anxiety; a feeling that I haven’t had in quite a while. Everything in my mind feels broken; I shouldn’t feel so sad, I shouldn’t want to die, I shouldn’t pull my hair out, I shouldn’t pick my skin raw, I shouldn’t feel paranoid, I shouldn’t feel worthless.
Already I’m thinking negatively about work. What if I’m out of my depth? What if I’m left alone? What if I get it wrong? What if they don’t like me? What if I hate it? What if I can’t learn it? What if they get angry with me? What if they fire me? All instead of thinking: This is the start of a new life, I can learn most things so I can do this, they hired me so they must see that I have potential.
The main focus of my CBT sessions was challenging negative thoughts. There were different ways to do this but I don’t have the time or inclination to sit down and write out the thoughts, feelings and behaviours and then take positive steps to change them. How do I change something that is hardwired into my mind set?
I’m thinking of making a couple of mantras on business cards that I can keep with me at work to look at and keep me going, but I have no idea what to put on them. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
youngmentalhealth 