My Mum and her Fiance Rob are coming home from their 9 day long holiday tomorrow lunch time. It has been the longest holiday they have had leaving my sister and myself at home to look after our dogs and rabbit. Generally these past 9 days have been fine, I have had some ups and downs in my mood but nothing different to normal for me.
For the last 2 days I have really missed my Mum. I want her to be home right now so I can have a huge hug and have a laugh like we always do. I want to talk to her about all of the things I have got up to the past week and a bit, mostly my group CBT session I had on Monday (which I will get round to posting about!). But it’s when I feel like this that my anxiety and my irrational thought processes wake up and start gaining control over me. This process of escalated thinking goes something like this:
>>I really miss my Mum >> this is what it would be like if she wasn’t in my life >> this is how I’d feel if she died >> but if she died I wouldn’t be seeing her again >> ever >> she’s fine though, I spoke to her earlier so she is coming home >> what about if there is an accident on the way home tomorrow >> I would feel like this forever >> I’d be responsible for the dogs forever >> I’d have no shoulder to cry on >> I wouldn’t have a Mum<<
I love my Mum more than anything else in the world, I worship the ground she walks on. Thinking about life without her hurts me deeper than I can put into words but the thought pops into my head too often to be comfortable. I want to go everywhere with her so if anything happens, like an accident, I’d go too so I won’t have to face life without her. I would die for my Mum.
So I am so eager to get her home tomorrow so I know she’s safe. And mostly so I can tell those irrational thoughts that they are stupid and irrational!
youngmentalhealth 